For the better and the worse
by Naerysa
Summary: Something interrupts the wedding before Sir Anthony can utter his fatidic "I can't". Edith/Anthony, AU.
1. Chapter 1

_This is my first Edith/Anthony fanfiction, but after episode 3 I had to write one. Because of reasons. Oh and by the way, I still believe that these two will end up together. _  
_ Also, English is not my first language, so please be indulgent ! I hope you'll enjoy this :)_

_(I obviously don't own Downton Abbey, for otherwise I would be filthy rich and busy making Edith/Anthony shippers happy.)_

It was a perfect day.

Even the English weather had, for once, decided to be agreeable and the sun shone on the the little church in the bright morning. Friends and family had already gathered inside, even her sisters no were waiting for her.

Of course, she wished Papa would be more happy about it. But that he was not. In his dark costume, grim-faced and looking rather reluctant to enter the church, Robert Crawley looked like he was attending a funeral instead of his middle daughter's wedding.

_Be as it is_, thought Edith. _In a few years, when he see how happy we've made each other, Anthony and I, he will understand. He will approve, even if he doesn't right now._

Besides today was her day.

She was leaving Downton, she was leaving her family, and she couldn't find it in her to be sad about it. Not that she really tried to. She felt like she had spent her life in the shadows and now was finally getting her place in the light.

Always she had been the plain daughter, the one others mocked behind her back. When bright, wonderful Mary acted horribly, always their parents would forgive her, help her, and then act as if nothing wrong had happened, since they were children. When Mary humiliated her in front of Robert and Cora, they never heard, never bothered.

Even the man she'd chosen wasn't good enough for them, when her future had never mattered to them before. And Anthony was worth any Matthew in the world, and even more, for he was hers and she was his. She was the only one who had ever bothered to learn to know him behind his shy facade, to know the wonderful, kind man that he was. They were so alike, so well-matched in their understanding of the other. How could her father not see that ? Though this shouldn't have come as a surprise. After all, for them, he was "poor, old, dull Strallan".

Well, today she was leaving the obscure little Edith Crawley to be Edith Strallan, a married woman, with a new life ahead. A new, happy life that she would share with the man she loved.

_We're going to be so terribly, terribly happy !_

She smiled so much that her cheeks hurt when she took her father's arm, but she didn't care. All that she cared about in the world right now was waiting for her at the alter.

When she heard the sound of the organ and they began to walk the aisle, it was as if she was walking in a dream. The faces of friends and family, standing for her, were a slightly indistinct blur seen trough the scintillating haze of the veil, and as they progressed towards the alter, she finally saw Granny – who looked like she'd bitten in a lemon – her hands clenched on her cane, her mother, Mary and Matthew, Sybil and Tom, both couples smiling happily at her.

_This is a time for truces, a time for forgiveness._

But her eyes were now focused on the dark shape of the man waiting for her.

He didn't turn to look at her, and she could only see his back, the slight tension of his shoulders. This was a decisive day for him as well, she thought fondly. After all, he had refused so long to admit that he could still be happy, and make her happy as well.

And now, everything was as it should be. Perfect.

She was getting married. Married !

They were now joining his side at the alter. Fighting to control the wave of excitement and elation that went through her, she looked at Anthony. She could barely register how pale he was. He was the most handsome man she'd ever seen, or at least she thought so, he was dashing in his suit, his wounded arm wrapped in a black cloth giving him an elegant touch. She almost laughed then and there, imagining her family's faces had they known her thoughts, but it was true.

Even her father was smiling, if tensely, when he let go of her arm. She turned back to Anthony.

"Good afternoon" she whispered to him, the expression a light joke when this was the most beautiful afternoon of their lives, her heart almost bursting from the joy and adrenaline.

"Good afternoon, my sweet one" she heard him say, and she could hear the tenderness in his voice, and something else, something sounding almost like sadness.

She looked at him, and even through the veil she could see the way he looked at her then, and in his eyes was all his vulnerability, all the unconditional love he held for her, so intense, it looked like he was in pain.

Smiling, her eyes went to Father Travis, waiting for the sound of the organ to die.

The priest's eyes rose from the Bible he held in his hands.

"Dearly beloved..."

Edith faintly heard Anthony take a sharp inspiration, as if he was going to talk. Which was absurd, of course, this was not the moment. And in that instant, everything was perfect, for once in her life.

"We are..."

"Ow !"

The sudden cry silenced the priest and the whole world seemed stunned for a moment.

Edith still kept her eyes fixated on the priest, who was looking at something behind her. Surely this was nothing, surely nothing bad could happen. Not today.

But suddenly she heard Sybil's voice :

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... I can't... Not now !"

And so she turned back, barely hearing the noise of dozens of people trying to have a better look at what was going on in the front seats.

Sybil, her sister, was standing very pale, her hands clenched so hard on the back of her chair that the joints blanched, her face distorted in pain. Tom Branson was trying to support her, his own eyes widened almost comically with fear.

And then, she saw it. At Sybil's feet, slowly pouring on the aisle's floor, water.

Then Tom's voice :

"The baby is coming, she must get out, now !"

"But it's too soon !" Her mother's voice.

Then everyone was around Sybil, her father himself almost running to her, Edith forgotten.

As always.

She felt someone take her hand, and looked at Anthony. He was not smiling and appeared almost ill, as shaken as she felt.

"Edith, there's something I must tell you, while I still have the chance", he whispered frantically to her.

Even the priest was near Sybil, now. Nobody cared about them. They never really did, after all.

Shaking slightly, her right hand still clenched on the flowers, she followed him outside.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you so much for all the support ! I really means a lot to me, and so I couldn't make you wait longer. Here's the second chapter, I hope you enjoy it :)_  
_ It's fantastic seeing so much Edith/Anthony shippers._

_I still don't own Downton Abbey, obviously. _

* * *

Edith could faintly hear the panicked voices from inside the church as Anthony and her walked away. Some part of her wondered if she should not have stayed to Sybil's side, too. She was her sister, after all.

_When has Sybil ever needed me ?_ She remembered the way they had all gathered to Sybil's side, her mother, her father, everyone, forgetting her and Anthony instantly. _When has any of them ever desired my support ?_

The only person who ever had was now holding her hand in an iron grip, almost painful in its strength, though she could feel the slight tremor of his fingers.

Something was wrong, deeply wrong.

"Shouldn't we go back ? Surely, they will be looking for us...", her voice sounded weak even to her own ears as they walked between the old graves.

"They're much too busy with poor Sybil right now... And now is the moment or never."

"The moment for what ?"

They had come to a bench, slightly hidden from the rest of the churchyard by a large tree who must have been almost as ancient as the church itself.

Suddenly, Edith remembered this spot. As children, Patrick and her would sometimes come there to escape the attention of the adults. And Mary.

_I don't like her, Eddie. Always snickering at us. Well, here no one will disturb us _!

"No one will look for us there..."

Suddenly called back to the present, Edith shuddered, the dead boy's voice still ringing in her ears.

She raised her head. Anthony's eyes were on her, his blue gaze intense in its sadness.

Sadness ? She lifted her veil.

"Anthony ? What's wrong ?" She didn't even hear the sound of her bridal bouquet falling to the ground as she took his valid hand in both of hers.

He opened his mouth, as if to speak, but no words came. He had been so frantic before, almost running with her out of the church, but now he was very still, unnaturally so. Her hands clenched on his at the terrible pain suddenly written in the angles of his face.

"Tell me", she whispered.

Gently, he took his hand from hers.

"Edith...", and the way he was saying her name, it was both a prayer and a torture, his voice suddenly more broken than she had ever heard it, "Would you seat, please ?" he made a slight gesture towards the bench.

She obeyed with legs suddenly feeling like lead.

"Edith... I can't do it."

"What do you mean ?"

This had to be a misunderstanding. She almost smiled, really, there and then, but could not bring herself to. Somehow, her lips refused to rise.

"I can't do this to you. This marriage... It is wrong. I tried to stop it, you know I tried..."

"Anthony, what are you saying... I... I don't understand what you're saying..." And she really didn't. _We're going to be married today._

"I can't let you throw away your life like this ! Edith...", she had never seen him like this. This man usually so shy and gentle now looked like a wild animal taken in a trap.

"Edith, you mean everything to me. Everything. Don't you understand ? I have to let you go. I can't let you offer yourself as... As a sacrifice, to save me ! This is wrong..."

"A sacrifice ? How can you say that ?"

"It is true ! I let myself believe... But I was a fool, and I thought I could somehow make you happy. It was the only thing I wanted... Spending the rest of my life trying to make you smile, and I thought it the noblest goal a man could ever have. But now I see why this could, no, why this _should_ never happen."

"Anthony..."

"I'm far too old for you, and a cripple. Think about it, Edith, really think about what it would be like. You would be more a nurse than a proper wife to me, at fifty chained to a crippled old man. I would never wish that kind of future for you."

He paused, and the quiet was deafening. He ran a trembling hand through his hair, and for a shocking moment looked like he was going to sob. She felt herself rise from the bench and take a step toward him, and he looked at her, really looked at her then. When he began talking again, his voice was very gentle.

"Edith, you are very young, and the most beautiful woman I've ever known. It is not only your face, or your eyes, bright as they are. It is your mind, this sharp and daring wonder that so often hides from the rest of the world, your generous heart, the strength of your will... For you are strong, my darling, so much that one can not help feeling sometimes a little intimidated by it. No, please, let me finish. Your feelings burn so vividly, Edith, and I would hate for that passionate nature of yours to shrivel under my hand. It is the one thing I could never forgive myself. Of course, you would not hate me, you're far too kind for that. No, you would come to hate yourself for your choice, you would begin to regret and dream of another life, a life where you hadn't ever looked twice at me. I can't bear the thought of you ever feeling that way, my dearest darling. Don't you understand ? That's why I have to free you."

She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. Anthony lifted his hand, as to touch her, but then stopped. Shaking his head, he took a step aw from her.

_He's leaving me, no, no, no, this can't happen, not today, not ever..._

"Free me ? Chaining myself to you ? How long have you thought about this ?" _I can't let him go !_

"For some years now."

"_Years_ ?"

"During the war... I had time to reflect on your sister's words... To see that I should never have approached you in the first place..."

"But she lied ! You know that." She tried to take his hand again, but he turned away from her.

"Yes, yes I know. But she was right all the same. Your own father think so, too. Edith, a woman like you, such a woman deserve a far better man than I will ever be. And you will find that man, the one who will manage to make you really happy. Someone young, and..."

"I don't want that someone ! And I've already found the man who will make me happy. Don't you see ? It's not about what I deserve, it never was. I want you". She went very still all at once, struck to the core by the sudden realization. Yes, she wanted to be married, to be happy, like Mary, like Sybil, but... "I do want you, and you only. I really do ! If you ever had any respect for me, for my opinion, please, please believe me !"

"Oh, Edith...", he sighed.

She couldn't bear the sadness in his voice.

"Don't "Edith" me ! How can you believe my father, and _Mary_, how can you listen to them all, when you know this is what I want ? What we both want ? Or don't you want me at all ?"

"If the price is your happiness..."

"Anthony, do you love me ?"

She held her breath. She was pretty sure of the answer, his eyes speaking for him every time he looked at her, but still... They had never said these words to each other...

He still wasn't looking at her, and in the shadows of the great tree she saw the way his hand clenched.

Then, in a shuddering breath, he whispered :

"You know I do."

It was in this moment that Edith knew that everything would be fine. Suddenly dizzy with joy and relief, she gripped his arm, the disabled one, in her hands, grinning under his dumbfounded stare.

"Then it's settled. I told you before, you're not going to push me away anymore ! I've had enough of people trying to make decisions for me, and it includes you, dearest idiot."

"You must understand, this is wrong..."

"Then so be it. We will be this scandalously wrong, scandalously happy married couple, and we'll have to spend the next decades making people awfully jealous of us. Anthony, you speak of regrets, of being chained to you... Don't you understand that it is actually the reverse ? My only regret would be _not_ to marry you. You gave me freedom. I was a bitter person, always ignored, always wanting to prove myself. You broke my chains ! Loving you has showed me the woman that I could be with you, the happiness that we could share. Please don't take that away from me, from us, out of some misguided sense of self-sacrifice."

"... What did you say ?"

Something had changed in his voice, and his left hand was now on hers, his blue eyes searching her own. Edith took a sharp breath.

"You will not make that choice for me out of some stupid notion of right and wrong..."

"No, before that."

"I said that..." Then it hit her and she smiled. "I... I love you."

He tried to disengage himself from her grip at once, his breath quick and shallow, but she hold on.

"I love you, Anthony, and I intend to marry you, to wake up every morning beside you, to drive at unseemly speed with you at my side, and to hit your thick head with all my might if you ever let such stupid ideas get in it again."

"I don't have a choice in the matter, do I ?", his tone was slightly bitter, and she frowned a little.

"No, not really. Because I'm right, and you know that. But again, you were always an unreasonable man, Anthony."

"Oh, so _I_ am the one being unreasonable ?"

"Yes, you are. You are quite intent on making us both miserable because of some stupid principles that don't apply in our case anyway. Frankly, I don't understand how you managed to survive before me"

"Neither do I", It was barely a whisper, but she heard it all the same, and her smile widened.

"Well, now it's obvious that you do need me. And I want you. So marrying is only the logical course of action, and only a fool opposes logic. I'm so sorry for your notions of honor, Anthony, but this time you will have to be happy."

"Lady Edith, you would have been a wonderful politician. Why, I should have taken you on the battlefield, your sole presence would have terrified the Germans to death and ended this war then and there."

"I think I would have liked that. So, are you thoroughly convinced, or do I need to punch you in the face ? I will..."

He bent towards her and suddenly his lips were soft and warm against her own, his arm pressing her body against his chest and Edith was lost. Her toes curled.

Finally, he let her go, and she might have fallen, her legs were so weak, if he hadn't held her firmly. The kiss hadn't lasted very long, she supposed, but for her it had been a lifetime worth.

"Oh..."

He raised his hand in a light caress against her cheek and she lifted her eyes to his. He was smiling, a thin smile, but the light in his eyes was the only answer she needed.

"It seems kissing you is the only way to win against you. I look forward to win many of our arguments in the future. Will you forgive this old fool, my dearest Edith ?"

"As long as you don't doubt my judgment ever again." _I wonder if our wedding night..._

She couldn't help her furious blush, not daring to explore the thought further.

After all, they had all the time in the world.

And under the shadow of the great tree, she leaned into the man she loved, his embrace the only comfort she needed.

* * *

_You know, I wanted Angst. I wanted tragedy, at least for longer. I love angst. But Edith would have none of it, and neither I nor Anthony were able to resist her._

_Also, I had the feeling that if Violet hadn't intervened, and if it hadn't been in public, she could have convinced him.  
_

_Anyway, here's the thing : should I stop there, or continue it ? (Because I somehow predict problems, for the Crawley Family of Doom still remains...) Tell me what you think !_


End file.
